My A+ dropped to an A-

Healing perfectionism, one skipped run at a time

I skipped my Thursday run. Not because I was sick or injured or had some unavoidable conflict. I just… didn’t feel like I should run. My body felt off. My sleep hadn’t been great. So instead of forcing myself through 5 miles, I gave myself an extra hour of rest.

Then on Sunday, I was supposed to run 7 miles. I made it to 4 before the heat and humidity said, “you sure about that?” And I wasn’t. So I stopped and got some iced coffee with my dad instead.

Here’s what my training app had to say about that:

Hal’s feedback? Still working on not taking it personally.

Until this week, I had an A+ rating for both overall training and the past 9 days. I hit every run perfectly. Now, thanks to two small decisions that were objectively good for me, I’ve got an A-.

And yes, I know that’s still an A. I’m not failing. Nothing is on fire.

But if you’re wondering how much unlearning it takes to break free from perfectionism, let me tell you: this single notch drop still managed to break a little something inside me. That’s how deep it goes.

A+ me would’ve pushed through both runs. Maybe tacked on extra mileage Sunday just to prove a point to… myself? The ghost of my high school gymnastics coach who used to punish us with runs whenever we’d fall off the beam during a meet? I don’t even know.

But I’m not trying to be A+ me anymore. I’m trying to be present me. The version of myself that listens to her body, even when her brain is screaming “but the plan!”

It still stings a little. Not gonna lie. But healing isn’t clean. It doesn’t come with a letter grade.

So I’ll take the A-, and I’ll keep going. Because I’d rather be a well-rested B+ human than an overworked and injured A+ wreck.