This is beautiful, Kelly. What struck me most is how you describe the quiet pressure to stay inside the boundaries of what we’re already good at. I see this so often: not because people are unwilling to grow, but because competence became part of their safety — a way to avoid the discomfort of being seen in their unfinished form.
And you’re right, the moment you allow yourself to be bad at something, the world widens again. The stakes drop. Curiosity returns. And your nervous system finally gets a space where the outcome doesn’t define your worth.
It’s often these small, clumsy beginnings that restore a person’s inner rhythm far more than any dramatic reinvention.
I’m curious:
Have you noticed whether people fear the embarrassment of being a beginner more, or the vulnerability of seeing themselves as one?
I think in engineering leadership, we often suffer from the "Expert Trap". We feel like we have to know the answer to every question in the room. If we stumble, we feel like we're losing authority.
But you're right, that pressure is paralyzing. It stops us from picking up new tools or learning new paradigms because we are terrified of the messy middle.
I've started trying to learn things publicly, making mistakes in front of my team, just to remind myself (and them) that competence is a result, not a starting point.
Wonderful post!!!!
Thank you! 🙏
This is beautiful, Kelly. What struck me most is how you describe the quiet pressure to stay inside the boundaries of what we’re already good at. I see this so often: not because people are unwilling to grow, but because competence became part of their safety — a way to avoid the discomfort of being seen in their unfinished form.
And you’re right, the moment you allow yourself to be bad at something, the world widens again. The stakes drop. Curiosity returns. And your nervous system finally gets a space where the outcome doesn’t define your worth.
It’s often these small, clumsy beginnings that restore a person’s inner rhythm far more than any dramatic reinvention.
I’m curious:
Have you noticed whether people fear the embarrassment of being a beginner more, or the vulnerability of seeing themselves as one?
So true ☺️ Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts and writing this beautiful post 🤗
This hit hard.
I think in engineering leadership, we often suffer from the "Expert Trap". We feel like we have to know the answer to every question in the room. If we stumble, we feel like we're losing authority.
But you're right, that pressure is paralyzing. It stops us from picking up new tools or learning new paradigms because we are terrified of the messy middle.
I've started trying to learn things publicly, making mistakes in front of my team, just to remind myself (and them) that competence is a result, not a starting point.
Thanks for your post, I needed to hear this.